


For Forever

by graceful_ginger



Series: The Saddest Fucking Thing I've Ever Heard [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor is bad at romance, Connor-centric, Evan is insecure, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, a heck-ton of fluff, also the title doesn't make sense, but I coudn't think of anything else sooooo, but if you read this as a stand-alone than yeah, well not really Connor dies later in the series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 11:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11379177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceful_ginger/pseuds/graceful_ginger
Summary: Connor tells Evan that he loves him, and Evan can't understand why anyone would love him.





	For Forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of my series in which Connor and Evan were dating before Connor killed himself, but this one (obviously) takes place before the suicide, so really it's just fluff.

Evan and Connor were alone at Evan’s house, Heidi being gone at work. They were lying in Evan’s bed, Connor stretched out on his back and Evan curled on his side, one hand on Connor’s chest and his head buried in the crook of Connor’s neck. Evan was dozing, but Connor was fully awake. He was stroking Evan’s hair softly and and appreciating the calm steadiness of his breathing. It wasn't often he got to see him this relaxed.

“I love you,” Connor whispered, quiet so as not to wake Evan if he really was asleep. It wasn't the first time he’d said it, not by a long shot, but for some reason Evan tensed at the words.

“W-why?” he asked, pulling away so as to better look at Connor.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean why- why do you love m-me? I’m n-not- I mean- just… why?” he looked away, embarrassed. Connor stopped stroking Evan’s hair in favor of distractedly running a hand through his own.

“Fuck, Evan I don’t know,” he said. Eloquence wasn't really his thing and he had no fucking clue how to even start to describe his feelings for Evan. “Why does anyone love anyone?”

“W-well, it’s probably stupid, but for me- I mean I know I love you because, well, I really like your smile?” His eyes flitted to Connor’s for a moment before quickly looking away again. “I mean you don't smile that often, which isn't like a bad thing or anything you can smile however often you want it’s just r-really nice when I do get to see it because it’s so rare. Not that it would be any less great if you smiled more! You just have a nice smile. Sorry.” He trailed off and Connor-- well Connor didn't know what to think. He was trying to figure out how to respond, or if he should respond at all, when he realized Evan apparently wasn't finished.

“I love how much you care about what’s happening and stuff. S-sorry that probably sounds so stupid.” He gave an awkward, self deprecating chuckle, “I mean you- you just get so mad whenever there’s like a shooting or the government makes a stupid decision or something. Not like mad in a bad way! Mad because you care, I guess. Which is cool. I can barely keep track of that stuff, which is probably my fault, I should pay more attention. Sorry, I sound like an idiot. J-just forget it.” He started to pull away.

“You don’t sound like an idiot.” Connor gently turned Evan’s face to his. Evan looked in his eyes and whatever he saw there made him swallow and look away.

“And, um, I love your hair, and your voice, and how you always stay with me through my panic attacks even though I know I must look like a mess, I am a mess, a-and I just,” Evan trailed off. “I mean, you’re-you’re so amazing, there are so many things to l-love about you and I… I’m not. I’m a loser who can't even order pizza without having a panic attack. It’s stupid I just, I don’t understand why you’re with me.”

Connor was in shock. Evan thought he was a mess? A loser? That Connor was too good for him? Literally what the fuck. Evan was still looking away, so it took Connor a moment to realize that he was quietly crying.

“No, no, no, no, no,” He said, the image of his boy friend in tears breaking through his surprise. “Evan-- Evan look at me-- I, fuck, you are so not a loser, you are like the best fucking person I’ve ever met.” Evan looking at him, sniffling with tears running down his face, and Connor’s heart broke. He hated seeing Evan sad, he couldn't stand it. He scrambled, trying to think of a way to explain to Evan how amazing he was, how to make Evan see what he saw. “I-- shit, okay-- I love you because you get really excited about the stuff you love? Yeah, I mean you could ramble about trees and shit for hours and you get so into it, it’s fucking adorable. And, um, I love how you always try to dress nice. Like-- no offense-- but you have no sense of fashion but you still fucking try and I love it. And I guess I really love that you took the time to get to know me. So many people at our school, fuck even my own family, they just dismiss me as emo, a psychopath, a fuck-up. And you, you didn't do that and I just. I’m really fucking glad you didn't.”

Evan smiled shyly and pulled himself closer to Connor’s side.

“I really glad I didn’t too.”

Connor took Evan’s face in his hands and, wiping away the remaining tears, pulled him in for a kiss.

“I love you,” he whispered against Evan’s lips. He felt more than saw Evan’s smile.

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Do I use "like" too much? I honestly can't tell how much of it is just a California thing or if it's realistic that Evan and Connor would be using it every other sentence.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, leave a comment with any questions comments or concerns or hmu at my tumblr: i-the-ginger
> 
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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